What wedding guests spend on a gift, and how to plan the registry

At a typical wedding the envelopes run from a small note from a student cousin to a very generous one from the groom's parents, while the registry has nothing between the cheap garlic press and the expensive coffee machine. Half the guests have nowhere to land. Knowing roughly what people spend makes the list a lot easier to build.

What guests tend to spend, by who they are

At weddings in Belgium and nearby, the pattern usually looks like this. Parents give the most, often far more than anyone else, especially when they are not already paying for the party. Brothers, sisters and grandparents come next. Aunts, uncles and cousins usually give a little less than that.

Friends vary the most. The best man and close friends tend to give about as much as a brother or sister, while a colleague or a friend from the football club is more likely to spend about the price of a dinner out. Take all of this as a rough map. Family habits, the region and what is going on in someone's life push the numbers up or down.

Why the numbers move

Guests from a big city spend more than guests from a village, and a formal wedding or one abroad pushes budgets up, since the guest has already decided this is a big occasion. Age matters too. A friend of 24 paying off a studio flat gives less than a colleague of 45, and nobody should expect otherwise. A couple attending together usually gives more between them than a single guest would alone.

Timing plays a part as well. Someone who came to the engagement drinks and the hen weekend has often spread their spending over three events, and the wedding envelope is the last part of it.

Build the registry so everyone has somewhere to land

Start with a row of small, cheap things, such as a good peeler, picture frames or a set of cocktail glasses. Then fill the middle with serving dishes, a hand blender or a nice lamp. Most guests shop here, so this part needs the most items.

For guests who want to spend more, list the bigger pieces: a KitchenAid, a set of proper pans, the rug for the living room. Add two or three really expensive things as well. Most guests will pass on them, but a group of friends can go in on one together, and now and then a generous aunt surprises you.

When you create a wedding registry, aim for two or three items per invited guest, spread across all those prices. That leaves choice for the guests who shop in the last week, and the cousin with a small budget is not stuck choosing between a garlic press and nothing.

Etiquette you should know

Gifts are never compulsory. By tradition a guest has up to a year after the wedding to send one, though nearly all arrive within three months. Some guests only ever give cash, which is the norm in many families, and others enjoy picking something from the list. Make room for both, and let people put money towards a bigger gift if they prefer that to an object.

Write a thank-you card for every gift, whatever it cost, and say what you did with it. People hold on to a line like "The pans have done four dinners already". Never mention amounts to other guests, and never compare. Some of the gifts you keep longest will have cost the least.

When a gift does not match the guide

Plenty of guests are working within real limits, and turning up for you in a suit, on a Saturday, at their own cost is already a gift. Others will give a grandmother's tablecloth, a painting they made or a weekend of help in the new garden instead of something from the list. Those are usually the things still in the house twenty years later.

You can create a wedding registry in a few minutes and set it up for every budget, from the peeler to the mixer, with the option to chip in on the big things.