What wedding guests spend on a gift, and how to plan the registry

At the last wedding we helped organise, the envelopes ranged from €20 from a student cousin to €500 from the groom's parents, and the registry had nothing between the €12 garlic press and the €400 coffee machine. Half the guests had nowhere to land. Knowing roughly what people spend makes the list a lot easier to build.

What guests tend to spend, by who they are

These are the patterns from the weddings we have been to and organised, in Belgium and nearby. Parents give the most, usually €100 to €300 and often well beyond, especially when they are not already paying for the party. Brothers, sisters and grandparents mostly land between €75 and €150. Aunts, uncles and cousins sit around €50 to €100.

Friends vary the most. The best man and the close friends tend to give €75 to €150, while a colleague or a friend from the football club is more likely to spend €30 to €75. Take all of this as a rough map. Family habits, the region and what is going on in someone's life move the numbers up and down.

Why the numbers move

Guests from a big city spend more than guests from a village, and a formal wedding or one abroad pushes budgets up, since the guest has already decided this is a big occasion. Age matters: a friend of 24 paying off a studio flat gives less than a colleague of 45, and nobody should expect otherwise. A couple attending together usually gives more between them than a single guest would alone.

Timing plays a part too. Someone who came to the engagement drinks and the hen weekend has often spread their total over three events, and the wedding envelope is the last slice.

Build the registry so everyone has somewhere to land

Start with a row of things between €15 and €30: a good peeler, picture frames, a set of cocktail glasses. Then the middle, €30 to €100: serving dishes, a hand blender, a nice lamp. This is where most guests shop, so it needs the most items.

For the guests who want to spend more, list the €100 to €300 pieces: a KitchenAid, a set of proper pans, the rug for the living room. Add two or three genuinely expensive things as well. Not everyone will buy them, but a group of friends can contribute to one together, and a generous aunt occasionally surprises you.

When you create a wedding registry, aim for two or three items per invited guest, spread across all those prices. It leaves choice for the guests who shop in the last week, and it stops the cousin with €40 having to pick between a garlic press and nothing.

Etiquette you should know

Gifts are never compulsory, and by tradition a guest has up to a year after the wedding to send one, though nearly all arrive within three months. Some guests only ever give cash, in many families it is the norm, and others enjoy picking something from the list. Make room for both, and give people the option of contributing to a bigger gift instead of an object.

Write a thank-you card for every gift, whatever it cost, and say what you did with it. "The pans have done four dinners already" is the sentence people keep. Never mention amounts to other guests, and never compare. Some of the gifts you keep longest will have cost the least.

When a gift does not match the guide

Plenty of guests are working within real limits, and turning up for you, in a suit, on a Saturday, at their own cost, is already a gift. Others will give a grandmother's tablecloth, a painting they made or a weekend of help in the new garden instead of something from the list. Those are usually the ones still in the house twenty years later.

You can create a wedding registry in a few minutes and set it up for every budget, from the €20 peeler to the €300 mixer, with the option to chip in on the big things.