What you need on a baby registry and what you can skip

The checklist the baby shop gave us had 112 items on it. We used perhaps forty. The wipe warmer sat in its box until we sold it, and the baby shoes went on exactly once, for a photo. Here is what got used every day in the first months, and what you can cross off without a second thought.

The things you cannot do without

The car seat is first because you cannot bring the baby home without it. Pick an infant carrier that fits your car and meets the current standard, and check the fit before the birth, ideally in the car park of the shop.

For sleep: a firm cot mattress, three fitted sheets, and a few swaddles or a sleeping bag in the right tog. Leave off the bumpers, pillows and loose blankets. They are unsafe for a newborn whatever the catalogue photo suggests. A monitor, even a basic audio one, lets you eat dinner downstairs without going up every four minutes.

Add a sling or carrier. Your arms will give out by week two otherwise, and most babies settle faster held against you than in any device. And muslins, in absurd quantities. We had twelve and it was not enough.

Feeding, whichever way you go

Bibs, muslins and a feeding pillow are useful however the baby is fed. Bottle-feeding parents lean on the pillow just as much. If you plan to breastfeed and go back to work, a good electric pump is worth its price, and it is exactly the kind of item a group of colleagues can buy together. For bottles, ask for four to six, a few teats in different flows and a bottle brush.

A high chair feels premature on a newborn list, but babies start solids around six months and the list is the only time people are offering to buy you things. Choose one you can wipe down in ten seconds. Fabric straps that need machine washing will make you regret the purchase by the second week of porridge.

The things that sound necessary and are not

A wipe warmer. Babies are fine with a room-temperature wipe, and in summer they prefer it. A nappy bin with special cartridges can be replaced by an ordinary bin and taking it out every evening. That habit is free.

Newborn shoes are lovely and useless. Babies do not walk for a year, and socks or footed sleepsuits keep feet warmer. A bath seat gives a false sense of security; a small baby bath, or the kitchen sink lined with a towel, does the job. A baby food maker is a blender with a higher price. A bottle steriliser is a pan of boiling water, unless you are bottle-feeding full time and want the convenience, in which case fair enough.

The things worth adding

A bouncer chair or a swing is the only way you will get to drink a cup of tea while it is hot. A white noise machine helps a lot of babies sleep, and helped ours enormously, which in month two is worth more than any toy.

Then there are the things guests never think of and you will need on day three: extra cot sheets, nappies in size 1 and 2 as well as newborn, unscented washing powder, and infant paracetamol (ask your doctor about dosing before you need it at midnight). A changing bag that suits how you get around, a backpack if you cycle, a tote if you drive, gets used every day for two years. Look for a wipe-clean lining and a pocket that keeps a bottle cold.

Make the list easy to buy from

Spread the prices. Put the pram and the car seat on it for grandparents and groups who want to contribute together, and plenty of 10 to 25 euro items like bodysuits, nappies and bibs for everyone else. Ask for clothes in 6 and 12 month sizes as well as newborn. Everyone buys newborn, and the baby will be out of it in three weeks.

A few things that are not for the baby at all round it off well. A voucher for meals delivered in the first fortnight, or a bag of good coffee, will be remembered longer than the third cuddly rabbit.

Babies need far less than the shops say. Put the forty things you will actually reach for on the list, create a baby registry, and send it to the people who keep asking how they can help.