How to add a wishlist to your housewarming party

You move in May and have the party in June. By the end of the evening the kitchen counter holds three scented candles, two bottle openers, a doormat and a cactus. You needed curtains. A wishlist on the invitation would have got you curtains, and it would have saved fifteen guests from standing in a shop wondering what you own.

A list beats guessing, for the guests as much as for you

Your friends want to help you settle in. Without any hint, they fall back on the things everyone gives: candles, wine, something for the kitchen you already have. With a list, they pick something in their budget that they know will get used, you skip the duplicates, and nobody has to phone your sister to ask whether you have a toaster.

Some people feel a list is cheeky at a housewarming. In practice the guests are relieved to get one. The only person who worries about it is the host.

What to put on it

Walk through the house with your phone and note what each room is missing, in three tiers: need, want, would be nice. Then create a wishlist with prices from about 10 euros up to a few hundred, so everyone from a colleague to your parents can find something. The rooms that usually need the most:

• Kitchen. A cast-iron pan, a decent kettle, a bread knife, a salad spinner.
• Storage. Baskets for the hallway, drawer dividers, a shoe rack that fits under the stairs.
• Comfort. Two throw blankets, cushions for the sofa, a set of proper bath towels.
• Outside. Terracotta pots, a trowel and secateurs, two folding chairs for the balcony.
• The unglamorous. A toolkit, a step ladder, a box of the right light bulbs.

Put one or two expensive things on it as well. A group of friends will happily chip in together on a lawnmower or a proper coffee machine, and on Happy Giftlist several people can contribute to one item. Leave the big things off and they each bring another candle.

Mention it on the invitation without making it an obligation

One line is enough. "No need to bring anything, we are just glad you are coming. If you do want to bring something, here is a list of what the house still needs." Put the link in the invitation itself, and on the Facebook event if you made one. Tell two or three close friends where it is, so when your aunt asks them what to bring, they can pass it on.

Do not repeat it. One mention in the invitation, and then leave it alone. The list should be easy to find for the people who want it and invisible to the people who do not.

On the day, and in the two weeks after

Clear a shelf or a corner of the bedroom where gifts can go as people arrive, and leave a notebook next to it so guests can write down what they brought. You will not remember by Sunday, and the notebook makes thank-you messages painless.

Then get on with the party. Give tours, put chairs where people can actually talk, and if you like that kind of thing, ask each guest for one bit of advice for the new house. You will get everything from "bleed the radiators in October" to "never lend the neighbour your drill", and at least one of them will turn out to be right. Thank everyone as they come in, whether they brought something from the list, something else, or just a bottle.

Within two weeks, send a message to each person saying how you are using what they gave. A photo of the blanket on the sofa or the pots planted up on the balcony does more than any card. A few photos of the finished rooms in the group chat, with a word for the people who helped fill them, is a nice way to close it off.

Set the list up before the invitations go out. Create a wishlist the same evening you pick the date, and the link is ready the moment the first person asks what you need.