Valentine's wishlist ideas for four kinds of couple

Nine years together and one Valentine's in three still goes wrong. The year of the bath bombs, for a partner who never takes baths, is the one that convinces most couples that a short wishlist each is the only reliable method. You both write down four or five things across a few price points, and the other person picks. Here is what goes on the list, depending on the kind of couple you are.

If you like the classic version

Some couples enjoy the full roses-and-candlelight routine and see no reason to stop. If that is you, these have never let anyone down:

• A necklace or bracelet engraved with a date, or the coordinates of the bar where you met.
• A print of the night sky over that bar on that date. Slightly kitsch, always kept.
• Silk pyjamas, or a pair of matching dressing gowns for slow Sunday mornings.
• A monthly wine or coffee subscription you open together, around 30 euros a box.
• An hour with a photographer, so you finally have a photo of the two of you that is not a selfie.

When you create a wishlist with things like this on it, add the details that matter. Gold or silver. Rioja or Bordeaux. Your partner is not going to guess your ring size correctly. Nobody does.

If a date in the calendar beats a thing on a shelf

Couples who have lived together for a while usually have everything they need in the flat. For them, a gift that gives you a Saturday to look forward to wins over one that needs dusting:

• A cooking class for the cuisine you always order and never make. Thai, usually.
• Two nights in Porto or a cabin in the hills, booked for a weekend in March when February has worn off.
• Tickets for a gig or a play, with the date already agreed so neither of you double-books.
• A spa afternoon for two.
• One of the once-in-a-lifetime things: a hot air balloon ride, a day's wine tasting, a sea kayak trip.

Put the specific class or hotel on the list, with the link. "A weekend away" leaves your partner with a search engine and a headache.

If your relationship runs on jokes

Plenty of couples would find a star map mortifying. They show affection through terrible puns and shared hobbies, and the list should reflect that:

• A board game for two. Patchwork, Jaipur or 7 Wonders Duel all play in half an hour.
• Socks or a t-shirt about the inside joke nobody else finds funny.
• A portrait of the dog in a naval uniform, from one of the illustrators on Etsy.
• A year of the streaming service with the series you have been meaning to watch together.
• A Lego set or a model kit to build side by side over a few evenings.

Most of these cost under 40 euros, which takes the edge off a day that can get expensive fast.

The practical gift is allowed

The gift that gets used every day is often the one that says the most, even if it looks odd next to a bunch of roses. Things worth listing:

• A proper coffee machine or a good teapot for the morning you share.
• A weighted blanket, a diffuser, or whatever makes the sofa evenings better.
• Kit for a shared hobby: a fitness tracker, a good chef's knife, a bike computer.
• Something that sorts out the mess in the hallway you both complain about.
• A few months of a meal-kit subscription for the weeks when nobody wants to cook.

Practical gifts show you have been paying attention to the other 364 days, which is worth more than attention to the one.

Make the list precise

Mix the prices, from a 12 euro pair of socks to the weekend away, so your partner has a real choice instead of one expensive item. Add sizes, links and colours. Every detail you include is one fewer thing to get wrong.

Make the list sound like you. If your relationship is love letters, write it that way. If it is a running exchange of memes, that is fine too. Start your Valentine's wishlist this week and swap links before the 14th gets close enough to panic about.