Keep your wedding registry open, then close it properly

The wedding is over, the suit is back at the rental shop, and parcels are still arriving. A colleague who could not make it sends a box. Your aunt rings to ask what you still need. So the registry is not finished with you yet, and you have to decide what to do with it.

Leave it open for two or three months

Two to three months after the day is a sensible window. It covers the guests who missed the ceremony and the people who prefer to shop once the wedding fuss has died down. There is always a grandmother who waits until you have "settled in", which for a June wedding turns out to mean early October.

If you married abroad, or you have a few relatives who are late with everything, stretch it to six months. You know your guest list better than any rule of thumb does.

Cross off what you have, add what you found out you need

Go through the list and remove anything that came in from another direction. If your aunt turned up with a stand mixer that was never on the registry, or you now own two identical waffle irons, take the registry version off the same week.

Then add the things you only discovered once you were living together. For most couples that means food containers whose lids actually match, and a duvet the right size for the bed in the new flat. Keep the additions in the same price range as the rest, so nobody feels the list has quietly gone upmarket since the wedding.

Check that there is still something left at the lower end. If all the cheaper items went in the first week, a late guest is choosing between an expensive pan set and nothing. Put a few mid-priced things back on so they have an easy option.

Mark gifts as received within a few days

Take the item off the list as soon as the box is open. It stops two guests buying the same thing and saves someone a trip back to the shop with a receipt and an apologetic face.

The same goes for gifts that arrive outside the registry but fill the same gap. Someone hands you six wine glasses that were never on the list, and the registry wine glasses come off the list that evening.

Keep your own note of who gave what, even if you switched on the registry option that shows who reserved each gift. Use the notebook with the guest list in it. You will need it the moment you sit down to write thank-you cards, and by then the packaging with the gift tag is long gone.

You do not need to announce the changes

Nobody on your guest list needs an email saying the registry has been updated. When someone asks what you still need, send them the link. That is the whole communication plan.

Some couples add a line to their thank-you cards saying the list is still open for anyone who asks. Leave that out. A thank-you card is for saying thank you, and a nudge towards more gifts sits awkwardly next to it, however politely it is worded. If a guest wants to know, they will ask.

Close it and start the next list

When the last parcel has arrived, close the registry. Birthdays, your first Christmas as a married couple and probably a housewarming are still ahead, and the people who buy for you will have the same question again within the year.

It is easier for everyone if the answer already exists somewhere. You can create a wishlist for the next occasion now, while you still remember which kitchen drawer is empty.